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Bad Packets: Top five networking carols

Wes Simonds, Assistant Editor
E-mail Wes Simonds

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1. "You're a Mean One, Mr. Gates"

(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

You're a mean one, Mr. Gates.
Your case in court's a sham;
And if you hadn't noticed,
Your name's an anagram
Of "glib" and "steal"...
You're such a heel.

Oh, you're ruthless, Mr. Gates
You burgle better minds;
You squeeze the juice from startups
And throw away the rinds
Then you drink...
Greedy fink.

2. "A Winter Wonder LAN"

Packets glide, swiftly flowing;
Hub lights greenly are glowing;
The users went home
And I'm free to roam:
Surfing on a winter wonder LAN.

(chorus)

Grabbing recent updates is amazing:
Tweaks and patches download instantly!
Network throughput's never been so blazing
And I can do my work so merrily..

3. "God Rest Ye Safely, Net Admins"

God rest ye safely, net admins
Let nothing you dismay
Let black hat hackers and their kiddie scripts stay far away;
And keep your data safely guarded on this holiday
Oh, tidings of thinly-veiled fear
Thinly veiled fear
Oh, tidings of thinly veiled fear.

God rest ye safely, net admins
Let nothing you chagrin
Remember that you've firewalled -- and firewalled again.
But bear in mind that studies show most threats come from within,
Oh, tidings of thinly-veiled fear
Thinly veiled fear
Oh, tidings of thinly veiled fear.

4. "The Linux Drummer Boy"

"Come," they told me
Pa rum pum pum pum
"We'll break monopoly!"
Pa rum pum pum pum
"Our finest code we'll bring!"
Pa rum pum pum pum
"We'll soon dethrone the king!"
Pa rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum.

But while that seemed so true
Pa rum pum pum pum
I've had my problems too
Pa rum pum pum pum
I have few desktop apps
Pa rum pum pum pum
My GUIs get bad raps
Pa rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum.

5. "I'll Perfect the Network"

(to the tune of "I'll Be Home For Christmas")

I'll perfect the network
You can count on me;
I'll turn a lens on VPNs
And bridge telephony...

I'll perfect the network
Polish every switch;
You'd never bet this Ethernet
Could sing in perfect pitch...

Christmas Eve will find me
Tweaking data streams;
I'll perfect the network...
If only in my dreams.

READ MORE:

Bad Packets: The Mafia for the rest of us


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